Ideals and Happiness

Working towards a higher goal provides direction and impetus, setting us up on the path of happiness, facilitating the steps we take. Ideals come in many shapes and colors and include: becoming a compassionate self, a non-dual self, a tranquil self, a real self, a true self, a good person, a master, a light, or love. Without aspiring to an ideal we are tempted to fall back onto unconscious, primitive goals to secure our survival such as gaining relative advantages with power, money, security and comfort.
And yet, and yet.
If we put ourselves under pressure with our ideal, it no longer serves our happiness, but begins to stand in the way. Guilt and shame are common responses. But there are even worse responses, such as self-deception and outward lies. Some solve the tension between real self and ideal self by pretending to have arrived at the ideal. At this point we better say: "Hokus-pokus," because perfect human beings do not exist, a fact that should be perfectly alright with us.
No being is perfect and will ever be. Only Being is, and, luckily, we are part of that.

At the End of the Path of Happiness

After fulfilling our basic needs to secure our survival, needs that do not include a new computer how ever much we want one, after committing to the path of happiness with a good understanding of what happiness is, after assuring our mind/body fitness with good nutrition and exercise we enjoy, after learning how to relate to the world of the many and the world of the One, after practicing the skills necessary for these relations, it seems to me that there is one more thing left to do and that is: engaging in life-long dialogue, learning from and with others because, I am sure you knew, our path of happiness has no end.

At The End Of Our Path

After fulfilling our basic needs to secure our survival, needs that do not include a new computer how ever much we think of a machine as "basic", after commiting to the path of happiness with a good understanding of what happiness is, after assuring our mind/body fitness with good nutrition and exercise that is enjoyable,after relating to the world of the many in a way that creates flow, after relating to the world of One in a way that makes us feel whole and fully integrated, after practicing the many skills necessary for these relations, skills that can, of course, be learned in The Two Wings of Happiness, it seems to me that there is only one more thing left to do and that is for the rest of our lives: engaging in dialogue, learning from and with others, because actually, as you sure know, the path of happines has no end.

Happiness and Children

A Buddhist once said that children were a burden, a burden so heavy that it would have to preclude parents from becoming monks and nuns. There is actually research out there that supports this hypothesis. Children are a lot of work. Many couples are so stressed because of their children that their partnership falls apart a few years into parenthood.

So the question is, do children add or take away from our happiness?

I think the question can only be answered on an individual basis. I find that my children bring immense joy into my life. They are my practice of the Tao, my reality check for my Zen meditation, the disturbance of my tranquility, the challenge that makes me grow, the object of my love and compassion, a gift from the heavens, an invitation to feel one at once, an invitation to giggle at my infirmities, to be humble, and to realize, once again, that I am but a human.

Happiness and Beliefs

When I look at the many websites on Buddhism, when I read the many clever aphorisms on happiness, when I go through my very wall on facebook, a wall on which many people weigh in most thoughtfully on the subject of happiness, I sometimes get the impression that we are all a bit too attached to our beliefs. Beliefs can be helpful, pulling us through, guiding us through tough times and towards a better, more compassionate way of living. Yet when our beliefs become "it" for us, when they matter more than our awareness of life as it happens, when they function as a sword that cuts through people, distinguishing one group clearly from another, such as Buddhists from unconscious people who destroy Earth, than I think our beliefs have gone too far.
What matters most is not what we can name, what we can explain, what we know. What matters is plain, plain Being, extraordinrary plain Being, the essence in all extraordinary plain Being, our all existence, the One to which we all belong that cannot be grasped. If the Dalai Lama is everything to us, we attach ourselves to what we can grasp, possibly missing the point. If the Buddha is everything to us, we are grasping a form, not the spirit. It is better to let go of the form, make some space in our minds, and let in doubt, not-knowing, non-belief.
Beliefs make us strong; non-beliefs make us humble. And when we are humble, we can laugh at ourselves, connecting with the unknowlable One to which we all happily belong.

Happiness Is Working On My New Book "Mileva Maric Einstein"

I will probably never again write a book like the Two Wings of Happiness; Connecting Western With Eastern Thought. It took ten years to develop a theory of happiness that is simple but inclusive, and to live by the wisdom of the West and the East without favoring one over the other. It has been a great pleasure and deeply fulfilling to write this book. I will now concentrate my effort on selling this book to a publishing house and on throwing myself passionately into the arms of a new project.
My new project is a novel about Mileva Maric Einstein, who was the first wife of Albert Einstein. She is my heroine, a woman so bright, so fascinating, and so mistreated. When I explored her birth town Titel in Serbia this summer, I had the good fortune to meet with the founder of the Tesla Society, the mayor of this region, and a newscaster of Serbia's most seen channel. I was interviewed about Mileva; the interested can follow the link below to rejoice.
Also, a little bit American impertinent kindness has opened the door of Mileva's closest relative, the generous, most helpful, proud Jovan Ruzic, who is the great-grandson of Mileva's brother Milos. He has shared with me that a part of Mileva Maric Einstein's birthplace still exists in his backyard. I was grateful for the fabulous translation by the founder of the Tesla Society (Peter Stojanovic). Without him, I may have never discovered the place.
What have I learned about happiness in the course of my trip? The Western understanding of happiness is to make things happen, to follow our dreams, to lose ourselves in the pursuit of our fitting goals. I have indeed lost myself, loved every minute, and -- while completely exhausted at times -- I have recuperated from the troubles of my ordinary life. I sat at the grave of Mileva Maric Einstein in Zurich, Switzerland, and cried some tears with the clouds that were weeping above her. I was cold, and afterwards I got sick with a cold too. But inside I am burning with desire to do justice for Mileva Maric Einstein! My new passion is filling me up. Quietly I observe the fire. Happiness is truly a result of combining the active and the non-active, contemplative approach to happiness.
Warm wishes to my readers!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qBUYQc6xW90

Happiness and Motherhood 5

As goal-oriented as I like to be -- getting lost in the experience of flow -- I cannot always have this type of pleasure as a parent. Interruptions prevent flow via goal-orientation.
So here is secret #5 for a mother's yearning for happiness:
Before frustration sets in, before we feel totally unaccomplished for not being able to make it from A to B in a linear way, we must let go of our goal, at least for the time being, and focus on the flow that is inherent in all life already. Things change, Being is constant flux. Things happen all by themselves. Things swirl, cause other things to swirl, to dance. When I notice the natural flow in and in between all things and beings, I need not produce my own so urgently anymore. As soon as I let go, I can enjoy that what is.

Happiness and Motherhood 4

The worries of others for our children can affect us in a variety of ways. The last blog discusses the importance of being a light to ourselves, of trusting ourselves. It is easy to lose orientation when we are called to discuss our children by well-
meaning people. The discussion usually happens in isolation, away from our peers.

Secret # 4 is, when we discuss our children alone, in a room only with one teacher, for example, or separate from other parents: Do not ever forget that you are sitting in a boat with many, many other parents. You are never alone in your struggles. The Buddha sent out a mother to collect seeds from those who had been spared. The woman came back with no seeds. Do not allow yourself to feel as if your and your child's problem is the only one. We are out there: thousands and millions of mothers who have heard the same thing from a caring teacher, a concerned neighbor, a loving mother-in-law. Keep your perspective. You are in good company.

Happiness and Motherhood 3

In Buddhism, we ought to be a light for ourselves, yet we are surrounded by well-meaning advice and judgement 24/7. How can we maintain a sense of serenity and happiness with so much input bombarding us about our children and about motherhood?
Secret #3
It is compassionate to acknowledge well-meaning input, and it is wise to examine our lives in regards to it. Yet if happiness is on our mind, we must not give our context too much power. Everybody has an agenda. Nobody knows that much. When my first child was born, a well-meaning nurse wanted me to wake up my exhausted baby as if feeding my daughter immediately after birth was a biological necessity. I knew what my daughter needed. I still do. If mothers wish to be happy, they must not be flustered too easily. We cannot listen to all well-meaning advice. We must listen to our own light. The noise of others should not penetrate our steadfast hearts and minds.

Happiness and Motherhood 2

It is difficult to be happy and unfocused, yet it is our kids' job to interrupted us frequently. What is there to do?
Secret #2
Sometimes not much. But other times we can assure that we do get uninterrupted time for part of the day. Wisely used, this time can become enormously important and provide nourishment for the rest of the day. When I use my time to reconnect with what is important, to become still, to experience fully the All to which I belong, I manage to be happy even when I am pulled in a million directions later.
Take time for yourself, but not only to shop and chat, but to slow down and be fed my the greatest mother, our all mother, Mother Nature.

Happiness and Motherhood

I mean is it possible? Is it possible to be happy and a mother? Some people think that this is the only way to be happy. But that is a myth. It is actually a challenge to combine the two.

The Dalai Lama has said that parenthood is a burden. While I strongly disagree, it can certainly be a burden. I will reveal "secrets" about how to be happy and a mother in several blogs, starting today.

Secret #1:
I am a happy mother because I am not a mother at all, at least not right now. Right now I am a blogger. Other times I am a runner. Then I am a friend and then I am a lover. Whatever I do in the moment is what I am. When I sit, I sit. When it is time to be a mother, I love being a mother. I am proud to be a mother. My children are no burden to me. They are my precious moment. When I mother, I mother. When I sit, I sit.

Zen Meditation Class in Los Angeles

You are invited to participate in a
Zen Meditation Class
With Andrea F. Polard, Psy.D.

Happiness comes from managing our lives skillfully as well as from serenity.
But how do we find the right balance?
Zen meditation centers us,
reduces stress,
and brings us the necessary clarity.

Beginners of meditation are welcome. The class is an opportunity to experience community while sitting quietly. There will be time to address questions about life in the modern world. The class is not psychotherapy and requires solid emotional health.

I am looking forward to you.

Sincerely,
Andrea

Time: Thursday mornings (9:30 am) and evenings (7:30 pm); classes begin May 6th 2010
Place: 2001 Barrington Blvd., Suite 110, Los Angeles, 90025
Fee: $ 15 per session (one hour)
Please RSVP: Tel: 310-455-0928 or DrAPolard@verizon.net

Good News-Bad News About Happiness

Bad News: Happiness is not a choice.
Good News: You can choose to start the process.

Bad News: Happiness cannot be achieved.
Good News: As you can never achieve happiness, you cannot lose it either. For once, the world is not divided into the "haves" and "have-nots".

Bad News: Happiness is not always an easy process.
Good News: Accepting difficulty makes difficulty easier.

Bad News: Happiness is not eternal bliss.
Good News: Eternal is constant and constant is boring.

Bad News: Happiness takes a back seat to survival.
Good News: We can elevate happiness when basic needs are met.

Bad News: Happiness is not our unconscious goal or ultimate aim. Survival is.
Good News: Happiness is not our unconscious goal or ultimate aim. Survival is.

Bad News: There are times that we have to compromise the ultimate goal of survival. We might feel like an idiot.
Good News: It is possible to compromise the ultimate goal of survival. Feeling like an idiot can be fun.

Bad News: The best players of the survival of the fittest can feel superior over others.
Good News: Happy people do not distinguish between "up" and "down" , "superior" and "inferior". Happy people relate and respond to the whole of life. Thus they are confident.

Bad News: Happy people do not always feel confident; sometimes they suffer unnecessarily.
Good News: Happy people do that with confidence too.

Bad News: Happiness is based on a flexible consciousness. Nobody knows what that is.
Good News: Thankfully there are hints in The Two Wings of Happiness; Connecting Western with Eastern Thought ... soon available.