Positive Thinking--A National Pandemic?

Positive thinking has long broken out of the ivory tower inhabited by a few cognitive psychologists. It has spread widely as it paired up with the American ideals of optimism and freedom, as well as with popular Eastern ideals such as good karma. When I overheard a woman in my sport's club locker room say: "My new resolution is never to think a negative thought", and all surrounding women nodded in quiet agreement, I could no longer deny that the spread of positive thinking has reached pandemic proportions. Yes, in my opinion believing in positive thinking is a bug, a bug that can wreak havoc in the minds of enough vulnerable people to call for concern.

It is likely for positive thinking to be harmful when (A) negative thinking is warranted (i.e. "I don't like this. This is bad. We should end this war!"), (B) it triggers guilt, dishonesty or hypocrisy every time we entertain a negative thought, and (C) it is based in misconceptions that slow the process of becoming. Let me explain my concerns further.

The woman in the locker room was sharing her resolution as she was frantically doing her hair, rushing to go about her business. Her movements were hectic, her facial muscles tight, the tone of her voice judgmental. I have seen her many times. She rarely smiles, seemingly always on the go. This time was no different. I think it possible that the notion of positive thinking helps preserve the status quo. It may even cause her to become more self-critical as she inevitably will think negative thoughts. And if she supports her belief in positive thinking with misconceptions of Buddhism, it is unlikely that she will receive relief soon. Suddenly, the harmless and often beneficial technique of positive thinking is no longer part of the solution to her hectic life, but part of the problem.

We can inoculate ourselves against the harmful effects of negative thinking by (A) seeing the value of occasional negative thoughts, (B) by exercising compassion and patience when we do not succeed in thinking positively, and (C), by confronting misconceptions of Eastern thought.

As it pertains to misconceptions, it is important to understand that Buddha did not preach positive thinking. He also did not preach the "law" of attraction, namely that we attract good things when we think good thoughts. Buddha started out with practicing meditation for many years. He was not eager to think positive thoughts, but to think no thoughts. Thoughts distinguish and create distance between things, entities, and events. Buddha wished not to be limited to experiencing the world of form in which we distinguish. Therefore, after nourishing his body and relaxing his effort, he sat down quietly under a Bodhi tree for the night. He was determined to transcend the world of form. Empty of thoughts, he slipped deeply into his awareness. And when he became aware of his awareness, he woke up to the non-distinct oneness of life.

Once the mind is calm, once we take the time to sit and stare, once we are aware of our awareness doing our hair and getting dressed for work, we are bound to have positive thoughts, And when we have negative thoughts, they pas freely through the empty space that is our awareness.

Of course, this does not mean that we cannot use the technique of positive thinking. It can be useful and the Buddha knew that. As long as we treat positive thinking as such, a potentially useful technique, while sitting and walking and blow-drying our hair quietly, we will be inoculated against the belief in positive thinking, and free to think whatever we want.

Honest Expression

Honest expression is not only an important building block of connections, it is also an antidote to happiness becoming a concept. So let me share this poem with you today.

____________________
So many questions,
So many good parts of so many bad answers.
Dizzying, exhilarating, transforming,
Until, until I look around and realize
I spoke to ghosts.
Anybody here? Can anybody hear me?
I am alone in midst of my ghosts.
My room is empty.
Outside my room:
Can anybody hear me?
I am alone in midst of my people.

Must give up, must let go.
Must breath, must live:
Ordinary.

No questions,
No parts.
Quietly I sit.
My mind is empty.
Composedly,
Contemplating the whole.
Good and bad.
Worthy or not.
_____________________

And every once in a while there comes a person with whom I can connect deeply. Thank you.

Can Happiness Be Understood?

Academic psychology used to refrain from exploring happiness as it was considered a kind of an experience that could not be objectified. Now, as it is strongly believed that happiness can be measured with sufficient accuracy after all, the tide has changed and data sweeps the beaches of all lands. With the exception of some data looking like Einstein equations, this is a good thing.

However, the newly found confidence is easily shaken when scientists are confronted with questions like these: "Can we really ever understand happiness? As happiness is such an individual experience and as fleeting as a rainbow, can we or should we even try to draw conclusions for the many?" This and similar lines of questions are based in two misunderstandings.

Firstly, it is not happiness that is different from person to person, but that which makes a person happy. Happiness is like sex: while it varies as to what it takes, there is great commonality in the way it feels. Most of us simply confuse the cause with the effect. One person likes hiking in the mountains, another a good conversation, another music and yet another meditation. All feel themselves part of life by losing their self-interest and immersing themselves completely.

The second misunderstanding is due to the thinking that happiness is like sex namely a single, isolated, pleasurable experience. If happiness was pleasure, we would not need the word happiness. Instead, happiness is more like a state of mind. As such it is possible to maintain happiness even when a fleeting experience is negative. In summary, happiness can be understood because it is more or less the same for every one and it is an enduring state of mind that can be tracked much better than the more transient moments of pleasure.

Being Driven and Becoming Happy

Happiness is a lot of work no matter the circumstances under which we grow up. Happiness is always within our potential, although bringing it out and living it requires tremendous dedication. To a certain degree we must become driven to learn the skills it takes to allow for happiness and to unlearn automatic behaviors that stand in the way of happiness.

When I realized that my circumstances were less than favorable and even detrimental to happiness, I on occasion would panic. I questioned whether happiness was in my cards and feared a life of mediocrity. I am grateful for my past moments of panic. I could not have overcome any monumental obstacles without them. In my opinion, pop-culture too readily reassures people not to worry about circumstances and that everything can be overcome easily. I too believe that we can overcome just about anything, but only if we dedicate ourselves to this task.

If you have suffered a great deal growing up and were deprived of much, do yourself a favor and let the quest for happiness occasionally overwhelm and motivate you.

Being driven has gotten a bad reputation as we learn from Eastern thought. While any exaggerated notion can become a bad habit that stands in the way of happiness, occasional bursts of energy can be quite beneficial. They can be bundled, directed and utilized. Being driven can be good as long as we maintain awareness of being driven, enjoy the ride, and feel that we can stop it anytime we want.

Do We Have The Right To Defend Ourselves?

When two nations want to go to war with one another, they often eagerly demure that they have the right to defend themselves. Yet, this is a bogus moral argument designed to shut up opposition. The thought of having a right to defend oneself gives justification to otherwise questionable action to which we feel entitled. It is not based on morals, but on a primitive, animalistic response. Just like a dog bites back when hit of bit, we feel an urge to lash out at an aggressor. And so we often do. Does the dog have the right to defend itself? Or does it do just as a dog would do? In all honesty we should rephrase our argument and take out the moral undertone. "As we are human animals", we could say "we will attack back when attacked". We need no morals for counterattacks (except for restraining them).

In many life situations it is warranted to act according to our animalistic side. As we are animals, we eat and drink when we feel hungry and thirsty. I am grateful for having animal impulses as neither I nor any animal would otherwise survive. Yet, there are plenty of situations in life that should not be run by animal instincts, but rather by our intelligence and compassion. Especially when it comes to aggression, we should question the animalistic response and ask ourselves: "While I can act like an animal and have the urge to do so, is it good for me, my opponent and everybody who is watching and learning from my example?"

My dear brothers and sisters in the Middle East! I assure you, it is not good for anybody that you fight. Amongst other reasons, you have become a beaten dog for one another. Everybody knows that beating a beaten dog is futile. Use your intelligence and your compassion in lieu of your animal instincts to strengthen your opponent. Give them food, drink, medicine, education, land, participation, and freedom. Instill hope and good will in the other. While there is not moral right to defend yourself, only animal instinct, it is your moral right to pursue happiness. And while it may feel "wrong", you could consider it "right" to extend your hand, and thus eventually, bring about long-term peace.