Ten Zen things to save your marriage (or any other form of long-term relationship)

Zen is not magic,so I am not about to tell you that you have all the power when it comes to your relationship. Even when you are in total peace with yourself or have accepted full responsibility for your baggage, your partner may remain at total war with himself or continue to blame and batter you for his baggage. Some marriages can only be saved with 100 Zen things; some with 1,000; and some cannot be saved at all. However, a lot of marriages can be saved with initiating ridiculously few and easy changes. Zen is noticing the flow of life, which can be quite magical. As a Zen psychologist, I look at any particular aspect of us – any experience, action, characteristic, or event- –as connected to all other aspects inside and outside of ourselves. Everything belongs to an interconnected whole that many refer to as the constantly changing stream of life. When we start ripples on our side of the embankment, they may just reach the other side, softly and without too much effort. Psychologically speaking this means that changing but a few areas of our inner lives and our behaviors can trigger a great chain reaction that may touch our life partner deeply. So we don’t have to change every neurotic or unhealthy little aspect of ourselves to make a profound difference in our marriage. First, let’s focus on undoing some damaging behavior and reduce the discomfort we or our partner experiences as of now. For more suggestions and the science behind it, please refer to my book www.AUnifiedTheoryofHappiness.com. Five Zen things to not do.... To read the whole BLOG that I origically wrote for Psychology Today, http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/unified-theory-happiness/201210/ten-zen-things-save-your-marriage. Please go to

Honest Happiness

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/unified-theory-happiness/201209/the-how-honest-happiness Please go to Psychology Today and check out my newest BLOG. I find it so important to be grounded in reality when it comes to happiness. Isn't reality the way it is, with all its good and bad, enough? Do we really need fantasy? Empty promises? When we are aware, we see life as it is. That will suffice.

Radio Event in Seattle and Internet Radio

* A UNIFIED THEORY OF HAPPINESS * with Andrea Polard ConsciousSHIFT! > http://ht.ly/e5QGp How to blend the best of both Western & Eastern modes of consciousness for full-life participation & wholeness! * LIVE WED., 10/3! 2pm Pacific! > ht tp://ht.ly/e5QGp Catch the Global #ConsciousSHIFT Show as Andrea Polard joins Host Julie Ann Turner for a thought-provoking dialogue (just crossed 125K+ global subscribers - celebrating with all fellow ConsciousSHIFT-ers! Thanks!) Join us for ConsciousSHIFT >>> http://ht.ly/e5QGp * Discover how combining the can-do drive to achieve with the simple presence of mindful awareness can enable a balanced happiness to take flight ... We'd LOVE for you to join us! (& Help us spread the word! ;-D)

Can You Afford Compassion?

I invite you to visit psychologytoday.com and search for Andrea Polard to read my first BLOG about happiness and compassion there. I have to say I understand now more than ever how it is most rewarding to talk about love, compassion, or lovingkindness. It feels as though it is the most relevant issue of our lives. The tranquil mind is the soil in which lies the seed of compassion. Our attention is the water. Our practice is watering so that the seed can grow. It is never the wrong time to practice compassion as long as we understand it encompasses ourselves. Too many women believe in abdicating self-interest. We are all part of the ONE. No one left out. Let's keep watering our garden. http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/unified-theory-happiness/201208/can-you-afford-compassion With heart, Andrea

Free Retreat and Open House Event

Los Angeles Center for Zen Psychology Author of A Unified Theory of Happiness: An East-Meets-West Approach to Fully Loving Your Life Dr. Andrea F. Polard 881 Alma Real Dr. #305 B Pacific Palisades, CA 90272 www.andreapolard.com You are cordially invited to come to a free retreat and open house event Saturday, August 11, 2012. After the book signing and give-aways, I'd like to give people a taste of Zen, and the Los Angeles Center for Zen Psychology in general. It is an obligation-free event. You will get the space and time to connect with your true self, which is really no-self, your inner peace, your light, your tranquility. No psychotherapy, but various meditation techniques and compassion exercises are offered. You can come and leave as you please. 11:00 Engaging talk about Happiness, Book signing, inspirational give-aways (Pocket Buddhas, Bookmarks, Happiness Invitations) 12:00 Meditation 1 -- INTRO, SOUND, MUSIC, MOVEMENT 1: 00 PM Mindfulness Hour -- TEA CEREMONY, COMPASSION EXERCISES, WIDENING OF CONSCIOUSNESS EXERCISE 2 :00 PM Meditation 2 -- ZAZEN AND DISCUSSION After each segment, there is time to ask questions and relax. You can come for the whole time or choose a segment. You are welcome to bring a cushion. Please RSVP 310-455-0928 so I can prepare refreshments. With heart, Andrea

Official Book Launching Party in Malibu

Dear Malibu friends, I would like to invite you to my official book launching party for, A Unified Theory of Happiness: An East-Meets-West Approach to Fully Loving Your Life Where: Malibu Diesel Bookstore; 23410 Civic Center Way; Suite A3; 310-456-9961 When: Sunday May 6th, at 3pm It'll be a celebratory reading, with good wine, cheese, fruits, and lots of curious people like yourself. You will meet me of course and I will sign every single book with heart. I hope to see on Sunday! Warmly, Andrea

Los Angeles Festival of Books 2012

For the bookworms amongst us, the ones who love to surround themselves with ideas and like to communicate with authors, I wish to recommend the LA Festival of Books at USC, April 21 to April 22. The event is free. I will be at booth # 223 in the Troudsdale building. I will hand out pocket Buddhas and bookmarks for those who tell me that they have read this blog. I love to talk to you, Andrea

Balance

It is really amazing how we tend to rigidify in our beliefs. Once we detect a good thought, a good method, a good anything, we hold onto that good without noticing that it too is but a puzzle piece, a part of the whole. There is always something else that is needed to complete the picture. Yet we become blind to that which could compete with our original discovery. Our Ego atttaches to what we subscribe.

Those who swear by a particular psychotherapy as a means to promote change by addressing pain and problems,cannot be convinced that there are different venues out there, venues that may be equally or even more effective.

On the other hand, those who swear by a particular transpersonal method or meditation practice to promote change by seeing and smelling the roses, cannot be convinced that dealing with pain and problems can be rewarding.

To be happy, we need to question all our beliefs, be open to new ideas, broaden our consciousness via curiosity, wonder, and kindness.

The mind is like a garden. Some of us tend only to the weeds; others only to the good seeds. Tend to the whole, and you will have balance.