A Unified Theory of Happiness

Balance

2012-01-02T13:28:00.000-08:00

It is really amazing how we tend to rigidify in our beliefs. Once we detect a good thought, a good method, a good anything, we hold onto that good without noticing that it too is but a puzzle piece, a part of the whole. There is always something else that is needed to complete the picture. Yet we become blind to that which could compete with our original discovery. Our Ego atttaches to what we subscribe.

Those who swear by a particular psychotherapy as a means to promote change by addressing pain and problems,cannot be convinced that there are different venues out there, venues that may be equally or even more effective.

On the other hand, those who swear by a particular transpersonal method or meditation practice to promote change by seeing and smelling the roses, cannot be convinced that dealing with pain and problems can be rewarding.

To be happy, we need to question all our beliefs, be open to new ideas, broaden our consciousness via curiosity, wonder, and kindness.

The mind is like a garden. Some of us tend only to the weeds; others only to the good seeds. Tend to the whole, and you will have balance.

Easiest Meditation Practice Ever

2011-11-20T16:46:00.000-08:00

This video deserves its own blog.
It is grounded into Western life and just very helpful.
Please enjoy!

Warmly, Andrea

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvsmBwOWozI&sns=fb

Laughter

2011-11-19T08:55:00.000-08:00

So, I have not blogged for a while as I had to work with the editors of "The Unified Theory of Happiness: An East-Meets-West to fully Loving Your Life."

It is done. Good.

So much has happened in the meantime. I have founded the Los Angeles Center of Zen Psychology (www.andreapolard.com) and have had my first official interview about my book. I will let you know when "Amazing Mind," an Internet TV show, will be shown.

Work, problems in the world, personal problems...when is there time for happiness?

I cannot tell you how often I reminded myself to smell the flowers, to enjoy my kids, my husband, just sitting. It takes more effort to center ourselves during tough times, well-worth effort though.

The greatest remedy: LAUGHTER.

Laughter comes easy to me usually, but now I had to consciously make sure that laughter can rise up from my belly. Remove obstacles! For example, I limited the time I was going to talk about my problems and work load. Sharing is good until it is no longer, so I made space for laughter. I picked up some funny movies, laughed deliberately with my kids, told jokes, laughed at old ones such as:

How many psychologist does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but the light bulb has to really wanna change.

I made light of the worst shock that we had to endure as a family....

Laughter remains the best medicine...take it frequently.

Warmly, Andrea

Chasing Happiness

2011-06-02T09:12:00.000-07:00

"Shall we chase happiness? Is wanting happiness really a good goal?" are the rhetorical questions most frequently asked by those weary of happiness.

And of course the answer of those in favor of fostering happiness is predictable too, "No. Happiness is as elusive as a rainbow. There is no point in chasing it. However, what we can do is remove obstacles to happiness and give ourselves permission to enjoy it when it comes along."

I shall add to this interchange only one thought:

We should not chase happiness as we should not chase beauty, love, and excellence either. Clinging to any form that our mind fancies is in itself an obstacle to happiness. But that does not mean we ought not to look in the mirror in the morning; to date and build relationship skills; to work hard to acquire a sense of mastery. It just means we ought not to be obsessed or identify with what we deem a worthy goal.

If we dream up how we want to participate in life, acquire and apply the right skills in order to fulfill that dream, and then turn it over, surrender, and be content with what is, if we breathe in and breathe out, dream up and let go, we do a lot more than just remove obstacles: we begin to love life and enjoy all it can be as it comes.

"He who binds to himself a joy
Doth the winged life destroy;
But he who kisses the joy as it flies
Lives in eternity's sunrise."
---WILLIAM BLAKE

Monkey Business

2011-05-16T11:21:00.000-07:00

This planet needs every form of kindness it can get; I shall not complain about reciprocal giving: I scratch your back -- you scratch my back. It makes for an efficient way of giving. It works. We only have so much time. If we did not watch over our interest and gave without expecting something in return, we would undoubtedly become exploited, burned out, bankrupted. No, I like good monkeys and the way they handle social needs within the group. I like us doing monkey business.

But it is not fulfilling our human potential. To be a Mensch, we must go beyond looking out for ourselves and our precious genes. Because we are more than gene-driven monkeys, because we can choose to give without getting back, because we are capable of altruism that reaches into uncharted, unknown, unpopular territory, we must act accordingly. Kindness without EGO reflects how much inner space we have, and, at the same time, widens that space.

Happiness needs Goodness

2011-05-09T08:59:00.000-07:00

The thief can feel excitement and even joy when he brings home his stolen goods, but he lacks the tranquility needed for the All. If he was tranquil, he would notice that he was robbed and that he was now poorer for it. Most intuitively agree: we must be good to be happy.

The problem is that we cannot all get a medal for goodness. Those few who are identified for their goodness get all the honors. We praise the Dalai Lama, Mother Theresa, Buddha, Jesus, Moses, saints, celebrities, rich philanthropists, famous freedom fighters; their graves or birthplaces we pilgrimage to. And we know about their contributions without which we would not like to live. We are grateful to them, as much, at least, as envy and other forms of blindness let us.

The rest of us, the vast majority, is asked to be good without honors. We are even asked to be good while being maltreated and despised. Billions of mothers are supposed to give without acknowledgement. Soldiers die in the dirt, forgotten and trampled upon. The good man is punished for his honesty and overlooked when it's time for a promotion. The good kid is often called a nerd, a weirdo, a little mouse.

So, we need the big good guys to come in and change big unfair circumstances. "Life is unfair" will not do to better the world. We need action.

After making this demand and holding the big guys responsible, what are we left with? What is our reward? I could not say it better than George Eliot in his novel "Middlemarch". In it he describes Dorothea, having started out with youthful enthusiasm about doing good, but ending up with little to show for.

"But the effect of her being on those around her was incalculably diffusive: for the growing good of the world is partly dependent on unhistoric acts, and that things are not so ill with you and me as they might have been, is half owing to the number who lived faithfully a hidden life, and rest in unvisited tombs."

And having a deep understanding about our incalculably diffusive effect, about our good karma, helps make us feel our part in the All to which we belong.

Unconditional Connection and Happiness

2011-05-03T09:06:00.000-07:00

It makes immediate sense that our happiness depends on our ability to connect; we are most unhappy when we feel isolated. But it takes skill to connect, skill we often lack.

It takes more skill to connect with human beings than with dogs, not only because dogs are simple and always happy when we arrive, but because we do not see them as competitors. They may kill our neighbor's puppy, piss on the carpet, run away and cause an accident that costs us dearly, but we love them anyway. We know that they don't know any better. We don't expect too much. We do not cling. We can forgive.

It does not take very much for us to disconnect from another human being. They may just look different from us or utter one wrong word and viola, we reject them. We expect close to perfection and cling to our every expectation. We are convinced that they know better, or could have known better. We cannot forgive them.

We cannot be a Mensch when we see only the competitor in the other. Up and foremost we are all sentient beings, made up of water and carbon. Up and foremost we are all living on this planet Earth in a universe that gave birth to us against all odds.

Pressure to Be Happy

2011-04-14T14:15:00.000-07:00

There are many pressures in modern life: the pressure to have a job, keep a job, do well at a job, to give birth a certain way, to give birthday presents, to remember birthdays, to make an appointment, to keep an appointment, to look confident, to be confident and so on and so on.

We all know that constant pressure is unhealthy and an antidote to happiness. Still, nobody suggests that there is something inherently wrong with the idea of having a job, birthdays, appointments, confidence.

However, when it comes to happiness, we like to throw the baby out with the bathwater. How is that the mere fact that people feel pressure to be happy (in the US) is reason to declare happiness to be a very bad idea? Why kick that one? I suspect that the Puritans and other religious groups have their hands in singling out happiness.

Happiness, I want to shout, is not a sin, is not dangerous, is actually really good for you, and is pretty inexpensive too. People will not lose their morals as there is no happiness without morals. They won't be selfish as happiness cannot happen in a vacuum. They won't be superficial as that is confusing pleasure with happiness.

While there are many of us who have to relax our efforts to be happy, there are also many who have to relax when pondering happiness. Happiness is good stuff. Breathe in, breathe out...

Compassion And Inner Strength

2011-04-04T08:05:00.001-07:00

Happiness is the umbrella experience for a number of other experiences of which connection may be most important. The "other" is support, comfort, delight, a mirror and a promoter of growth and change only if we can connect with her. This is one reason why all religions teach compassion, promote love, and charity.

When I was young, I was taught to love everybody like a brother or a sister, especially the disadvantaged. My compassion grew in accord with my awareness, but instead of this causing happiness only, it also caused unhappiness. There seemed so little I could do. I felt overwhelmed. "But there is so much you are doing," some nice people would say, "You are making a real difference. Everything has a snowball effect even when you cannot see it." That helped, I must say, until I saw another suffering being. What had gone wrong?

Caring about others takes a lot of inner strength. Before we have that inner strength, compassion can burn us out and up. That inner strength grows slowly. And only when we are recipients of compassion, have learned to be kind to ourselves, and have cultivated a sense of inner peace and tranquility, will it cause happiness. The more peaceful we grow, the greater the space for Being, no matter how Being is expressed.

Quietly we can sit, accepting the world 'as is', surrendering to what we cannot change, never becoming tired to changing what we can change. A compassionate heart needs to be held by something even greater, something we can only deeply experience when we are still, something that is always good and never lets us down, which some call God or the hand of God, and others Being, or the One to which we all belong.

Wrestling with the Word "Happiness"

2011-02-15T13:30:00.000-08:00

Most people of the modern world take no issue with the word "happiness." Their associations are largely positive. Accordingly most people want to be happy, appear happy, and share their happy experience with their peers.

But then there are those whose emotions become stirred up almost automatically when confronted with the word, as if it was a red flag only they can see and against which the rest of us must be warned. Negative connotations of happiness are manifold, such as it being a chase, an empty, impossible dream, a sign of decadence and of a spiritual void.

Ironically, I agree with most of the warning labels that this group intents to attach to the word "happiness." I concur that many chase their own tails. I agree that many have unrealistic expectations about positive emotions, expectations manufactured by big business, enhancing greediness for pleasure, comfort, and security. And yet.

I wrote a book on happiness. I have claimed the word "happiness" for a higher purpose. I have made the word my own, or better, made it that which most thinkers intended it to be. After analyzing hundreds of explications about happiness, I have come to understand that "happiness" more often than not stands for the experience of being alive. And who in his right mind does not want that?

Fighting happiness as a worthy goal and/or path is mostly based on a semantic problem, a problem I hope to help overcome.

Is Happiness Possible in our Broken Reality?

2011-02-10T18:16:00.000-08:00

A new book about the benefits of playing computer games makes the claim that reality is broken, explaining why we seek the unbroken virtual reality of games. This I learned recently on the radio. My first reaction was confusion. Why would anybody describe our reality as broken? It did not take me long to back-track my sense of reality when I am interrupted, distracted, obstracted, and bombarded with stimuli of a world that wants my attention. Sometimes there seems no end to the demands on me. My kids want my love; business wants my money; friends my time; schools my upmost devotion...

But is my reality broken? At best I could say that we humans are making it hard on ourselves to maintain unbroken attention. This, however, has been a long-standing problem of Homo Sapiens. In one way or the other we are standing in our own way to experience peace, our participation in this one world, our happiness.

I don't think we should blame modern times for our experience of reality. I don't think we find any answers in games or in any other escape. Living is not easy, but it is not because reality is broken, but because we dissect reality with our perception and our anxiety. Reality has always been just one interconnected whole. If we paid attention to our reality, it would not appear broken. Happiness is possible when we come from inner tranquility, regardless of outer turmoil.

Ideals and Happiness

2010-12-02T13:39:00.000-08:00

Working towards a higher goal provides direction and impetus, setting us up on the path of happiness, facilitating the steps we take. Ideals come in many shapes and colors and include: becoming a compassionate self, a non-dual self, a tranquil self, a real self, a true self, a good person, a master, a light, or love. Without aspiring to an ideal we are tempted to fall back onto unconscious, primitive goals to secure our survival such as gaining relative advantages with power, money, security and comfort.
And yet, and yet.
If we put ourselves under pressure with our ideal, it no longer serves our happiness, but begins to stand in the way. Guilt and shame are common responses. But there are even worse responses, such as self-deception and outward lies. Some solve the tension between real self and ideal self by pretending to have arrived at the ideal. At this point we better say: "Hokus-pokus," because perfect human beings do not exist, a fact that should be perfectly alright with us.
No being is perfect and will ever be. Only Being is, and, luckily, we are part of that.

At the End of the Path of Happiness

2010-10-16T10:19:00.001-07:00

After fulfilling our basic needs to secure our survival, needs that do not include a new computer how ever much we want one, after committing to the path of happiness with a good understanding of what happiness is, after assuring our mind/body fitness with good nutrition and exercise we enjoy, after learning how to relate to the world of the many and the world of the One, after practicing the skills necessary for these relations, it seems to me that there is one more thing left to do and that is: engaging in life-long dialogue, learning from and with others because, I am sure you knew, our path of happiness has no end.

At The End Of Our Path

2010-10-16T10:02:00.001-07:00

After fulfilling our basic needs to secure our survival, needs that do not include a new computer how ever much we think of a machine as "basic", after commiting to the path of happiness with a good understanding of what happiness is, after assuring our mind/body fitness with good nutrition and exercise that is enjoyable,after relating to the world of the many in a way that creates flow, after relating to the world of One in a way that makes us feel whole and fully integrated, after practicing the many skills necessary for these relations, skills that can, of course, be learned in The Two Wings of Happiness, it seems to me that there is only one more thing left to do and that is for the rest of our lives: engaging in dialogue, learning from and with others, because actually, as you sure know, the path of happines has no end.

Happiness and Children

2010-09-28T20:48:00.000-07:00

A Buddhist once said that children were a burden, a burden so heavy that it would have to preclude parents from becoming monks and nuns. There is actually research out there that supports this hypothesis. Children are a lot of work. Many couples are so stressed because of their children that their partnership falls apart a few years into parenthood.

So the question is, do children add or take away from our happiness?

I think the question can only be answered on an individual basis. I find that my children bring immense joy into my life. They are my practice of the Tao, my reality check for my Zen meditation, the disturbance of my tranquility, the challenge that makes me grow, the object of my love and compassion, a gift from the heavens, an invitation to feel one at once, an invitation to giggle at my infirmities, to be humble, and to realize, once again, that I am but a human.

Happiness and Beliefs

2010-09-22T14:08:00.000-07:00

When I look at the many websites on Buddhism, when I read the many clever aphorisms on happiness, when I go through my very wall on facebook, a wall on which many people weigh in most thoughtfully on the subject of happiness, I sometimes get the impression that we are all a bit too attached to our beliefs. Beliefs can be helpful, pulling us through, guiding us through tough times and towards a better, more compassionate way of living. Yet when our beliefs become "it" for us, when they matter more than our awareness of life as it happens, when they function as a sword that cuts through people, distinguishing one group clearly from another, such as Buddhists from unconscious people who destroy Earth, than I think our beliefs have gone too far.
What matters most is not what we can name, what we can explain, what we know. What matters is plain, plain Being, extraordinrary plain Being, the essence in all extraordinary plain Being, our all existence, the One to which we all belong that cannot be grasped. If the Dalai Lama is everything to us, we attach ourselves to what we can grasp, possibly missing the point. If the Buddha is everything to us, we are grasping a form, not the spirit. It is better to let go of the form, make some space in our minds, and let in doubt, not-knowing, non-belief.
Beliefs make us strong; non-beliefs make us humble. And when we are humble, we can laugh at ourselves, connecting with the unknowlable One to which we all happily belong.

Happiness Is Working On My New Book "Mileva Maric Einstein"

2010-09-10T11:44:00.000-07:00

I will probably never again write a book like the Two Wings of Happiness; Connecting Western With Eastern Thought. It took ten years to develop a theory of happiness that is simple but inclusive, and to live by the wisdom of the West and the East without favoring one over the other. It has been a great pleasure and deeply fulfilling to write this book. I will now concentrate my effort on selling this book to a publishing house and on throwing myself passionately into the arms of a new project.
My new project is a novel about Mileva Maric Einstein, who was the first wife of Albert Einstein. She is my heroine, a woman so bright, so fascinating, and so mistreated. When I explored her birth town Titel in Serbia this summer, I had the good fortune to meet with the founder of the Tesla Society, the mayor of this region, and a newscaster of Serbia's most seen channel. I was interviewed about Mileva; the interested can follow the link below to rejoice.
Also, a little bit American impertinent kindness has opened the door of Mileva's closest relative, the generous, most helpful, proud Jovan Ruzic, who is the great-grandson of Mileva's brother Milos. He has shared with me that a part of Mileva Maric Einstein's birthplace still exists in his backyard. I was grateful for the fabulous translation by the founder of the Tesla Society (Peter Stojanovic). Without him, I may have never discovered the place.
What have I learned about happiness in the course of my trip? The Western understanding of happiness is to make things happen, to follow our dreams, to lose ourselves in the pursuit of our fitting goals. I have indeed lost myself, loved every minute, and -- while completely exhausted at times -- I have recuperated from the troubles of my ordinary life. I sat at the grave of Mileva Maric Einstein in Zurich, Switzerland, and cried some tears with the clouds that were weeping above her. I was cold, and afterwards I got sick with a cold too. But inside I am burning with desire to do justice for Mileva Maric Einstein! My new passion is filling me up. Quietly I observe the fire. Happiness is truly a result of combining the active and the non-active, contemplative approach to happiness.
Warm wishes to my readers!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qBUYQc6xW90

Happiness and Motherhood 5

2010-07-13T22:10:00.000-07:00

As goal-oriented as I like to be -- getting lost in the experience of flow -- I cannot always have this type of pleasure as a parent. Interruptions prevent flow via goal-orientation.
So here is secret #5 for a mother's yearning for happiness:
Before frustration sets in, before we feel totally unaccomplished for not being able to make it from A to B in a linear way, we must let go of our goal, at least for the time being, and focus on the flow that is inherent in all life already. Things change, Being is constant flux. Things happen all by themselves. Things swirl, cause other things to swirl, to dance. When I notice the natural flow in and in between all things and beings, I need not produce my own so urgently anymore. As soon as I let go, I can enjoy that what is.

Happiness and Motherhood 4

2010-07-06T22:43:00.001-07:00

The worries of others for our children can affect us in a variety of ways. The last blog discusses the importance of being a light to ourselves, of trusting ourselves. It is easy to lose orientation when we are called to discuss our children by well-
meaning people. The discussion usually happens in isolation, away from our peers.

Secret # 4 is, when we discuss our children alone, in a room only with one teacher, for example, or separate from other parents: Do not ever forget that you are sitting in a boat with many, many other parents. You are never alone in your struggles. The Buddha sent out a mother to collect seeds from those who had been spared. The woman came back with no seeds. Do not allow yourself to feel as if your and your child's problem is the only one. We are out there: thousands and millions of mothers who have heard the same thing from a caring teacher, a concerned neighbor, a loving mother-in-law. Keep your perspective. You are in good company.

Happiness and Motherhood 3

2010-06-22T22:51:00.000-07:00

In Buddhism, we ought to be a light for ourselves, yet we are surrounded by well-meaning advice and judgement 24/7. How can we maintain a sense of serenity and happiness with so much input bombarding us about our children and about motherhood?
Secret #3
It is compassionate to acknowledge well-meaning input, and it is wise to examine our lives in regards to it. Yet if happiness is on our mind, we must not give our context too much power. Everybody has an agenda. Nobody knows that much. When my first child was born, a well-meaning nurse wanted me to wake up my exhausted baby as if feeding my daughter immediately after birth was a biological necessity. I knew what my daughter needed. I still do. If mothers wish to be happy, they must not be flustered too easily. We cannot listen to all well-meaning advice. We must listen to our own light. The noise of others should not penetrate our steadfast hearts and minds.

Happiness and Motherhood 2

2010-06-15T21:08:00.000-07:00

It is difficult to be happy and unfocused, yet it is our kids' job to interrupted us frequently. What is there to do?
Secret #2
Sometimes not much. But other times we can assure that we do get uninterrupted time for part of the day. Wisely used, this time can become enormously important and provide nourishment for the rest of the day. When I use my time to reconnect with what is important, to become still, to experience fully the All to which I belong, I manage to be happy even when I am pulled in a million directions later.
Take time for yourself, but not only to shop and chat, but to slow down and be fed my the greatest mother, our all mother, Mother Nature.

Happiness and Motherhood

2010-06-06T17:04:00.001-07:00

I mean is it possible? Is it possible to be happy and a mother? Some people think that this is the only way to be happy. But that is a myth. It is actually a challenge to combine the two.

The Dalai Lama has said that parenthood is a burden. While I strongly disagree, it can certainly be a burden. I will reveal "secrets" about how to be happy and a mother in several blogs, starting today.

Secret #1:
I am a happy mother because I am not a mother at all, at least not right now. Right now I am a blogger. Other times I am a runner. Then I am a friend and then I am a lover. Whatever I do in the moment is what I am. When I sit, I sit. When it is time to be a mother, I love being a mother. I am proud to be a mother. My children are no burden to me. They are my precious moment. When I mother, I mother. When I sit, I sit.

Zen Meditation Class in Los Angeles

2010-03-31T19:07:00.000-07:00

You are invited to participate in a
Zen Meditation Class
With Andrea F. Polard, Psy.D.

Happiness comes from managing our lives skillfully as well as from serenity.
But how do we find the right balance?
Zen meditation centers us,
reduces stress,
and brings us the necessary clarity.

Beginners of meditation are welcome. The class is an opportunity to experience community while sitting quietly. There will be time to address questions about life in the modern world. The class is not psychotherapy and requires solid emotional health.

I am looking forward to you.

Sincerely,
Andrea

Time: Thursday mornings (9:30 am) and evenings (7:30 pm); classes begin May 6th 2010
Place: 2001 Barrington Blvd., Suite 110, Los Angeles, 90025
Fee: $ 15 per session (one hour)
Please RSVP: Tel: 310-455-0928 or DrAPolard@verizon.net

Good News-Bad News About Happiness

2010-03-10T14:24:00.000-08:00

Bad News: Happiness is not a choice.
Good News: You can choose to start the process.

Bad News: Happiness cannot be achieved.
Good News: As you can never achieve happiness, you cannot lose it either. For once, the world is not divided into the "haves" and "have-nots".

Bad News: Happiness is not always an easy process.
Good News: Accepting difficulty makes difficulty easier.

Bad News: Happiness is not eternal bliss.
Good News: Eternal is constant and constant is boring.

Bad News: Happiness takes a back seat to survival.
Good News: We can elevate happiness when basic needs are met.

Bad News: Happiness is not our unconscious goal or ultimate aim. Survival is.
Good News: Happiness is not our unconscious goal or ultimate aim. Survival is.

Bad News: There are times that we have to compromise the ultimate goal of survival. We might feel like an idiot.
Good News: It is possible to compromise the ultimate goal of survival. Feeling like an idiot can be fun.

Bad News: The best players of the survival of the fittest can feel superior over others.
Good News: Happy people do not distinguish between "up" and "down" , "superior" and "inferior". Happy people relate and respond to the whole of life. Thus they are confident.

Bad News: Happy people do not always feel confident; sometimes they suffer unnecessarily.
Good News: Happy people do that with confidence too.

Bad News: Happiness is based on a flexible consciousness. Nobody knows what that is.
Good News: Thankfully there are hints in The Two Wings of Happiness; Connecting Western with Eastern Thought ... soon available.

Positive Thinking--A National Pandemic?

2009-06-05T14:15:00.000-07:00

Positive thinking has long broken out of the ivory tower inhabited by a few cognitive psychologists. It has spread widely as it paired up with the American ideals of optimism and freedom, as well as with popular Eastern ideals such as good karma. When I overheard a woman in my sport's club locker room say: "My new resolution is never to think a negative thought", and all surrounding women nodded in quiet agreement, I could no longer deny that the spread of positive thinking has reached pandemic proportions. Yes, in my opinion believing in positive thinking is a bug, a bug that can wreak havoc in the minds of enough vulnerable people to call for concern.

It is likely for positive thinking to be harmful when (A) negative thinking is warranted (i.e. "I don't like this. This is bad. We should end this war!"), (B) it triggers guilt, dishonesty or hypocrisy every time we entertain a negative thought, and (C) it is based in misconceptions that slow the process of becoming. Let me explain my concerns further.

The woman in the locker room was sharing her resolution as she was frantically doing her hair, rushing to go about her business. Her movements were hectic, her facial muscles tight, the tone of her voice judgmental. I have seen her many times. She rarely smiles, seemingly always on the go. This time was no different. I think it possible that the notion of positive thinking helps preserve the status quo. It may even cause her to become more self-critical as she inevitably will think negative thoughts. And if she supports her belief in positive thinking with misconceptions of Buddhism, it is unlikely that she will receive relief soon. Suddenly, the harmless and often beneficial technique of positive thinking is no longer part of the solution to her hectic life, but part of the problem.

We can inoculate ourselves against the harmful effects of negative thinking by (A) seeing the value of occasional negative thoughts, (B) by exercising compassion and patience when we do not succeed in thinking positively, and (C), by confronting misconceptions of Eastern thought.

As it pertains to misconceptions, it is important to understand that Buddha did not preach positive thinking. He also did not preach the "law" of attraction, namely that we attract good things when we think good thoughts. Buddha started out with practicing meditation for many years. He was not eager to think positive thoughts, but to think no thoughts. Thoughts distinguish and create distance between things, entities, and events. Buddha wished not to be limited to experiencing the world of form in which we distinguish. Therefore, after nourishing his body and relaxing his effort, he sat down quietly under a Bodhi tree for the night. He was determined to transcend the world of form. Empty of thoughts, he slipped deeply into his awareness. And when he became aware of his awareness, he woke up to the non-distinct oneness of life.

Once the mind is calm, once we take the time to sit and stare, once we are aware of our awareness doing our hair and getting dressed for work, we are bound to have positive thoughts, And when we have negative thoughts, they pas freely through the empty space that is our awareness.

Of course, this does not mean that we cannot use the technique of positive thinking. It can be useful and the Buddha knew that. As long as we treat positive thinking as such, a potentially useful technique, while sitting and walking and blow-drying our hair quietly, we will be inoculated against the belief in positive thinking, and free to think whatever we want.

Honest Expression

2009-05-20T14:01:00.000-07:00

Honest expression is not only an important building block of connections, it is also an antidote to happiness becoming a concept. So let me share this poem with you today.

____________________
So many questions,
So many good parts of so many bad answers.
Dizzying, exhilarating, transforming,
Until, until I look around and realize
I spoke to ghosts.
Anybody here? Can anybody hear me?
I am alone in midst of my ghosts.
My room is empty.
Outside my room:
Can anybody hear me?
I am alone in midst of my people.

Must give up, must let go.
Must breath, must live:
Ordinary.

No questions,
No parts.
Quietly I sit.
My mind is empty.
Composedly,
Contemplating the whole.
Good and bad.
Worthy or not.
_____________________

And every once in a while there comes a person with whom I can connect deeply. Thank you.

Can Happiness Be Understood?

2009-04-21T15:09:00.000-07:00

Academic psychology used to refrain from exploring happiness as it was considered a kind of an experience that could not be objectified. Now, as it is strongly believed that happiness can be measured with sufficient accuracy after all, the tide has changed and data sweeps the beaches of all lands. With the exception of some data looking like Einstein equations, this is a good thing.

However, the newly found confidence is easily shaken when scientists are confronted with questions like these: "Can we really ever understand happiness? As happiness is such an individual experience and as fleeting as a rainbow, can we or should we even try to draw conclusions for the many?" This and similar lines of questions are based in two misunderstandings.

Firstly, it is not happiness that is different from person to person, but that which makes a person happy. Happiness is like sex: while it varies as to what it takes, there is great commonality in the way it feels. Most of us simply confuse the cause with the effect. One person likes hiking in the mountains, another a good conversation, another music and yet another meditation. All feel themselves part of life by losing their self-interest and immersing themselves completely.

The second misunderstanding is due to the thinking that happiness is like sex namely a single, isolated, pleasurable experience. If happiness was pleasure, we would not need the word happiness. Instead, happiness is more like a state of mind. As such it is possible to maintain happiness even when a fleeting experience is negative. In summary, happiness can be understood because it is more or less the same for every one and it is an enduring state of mind that can be tracked much better than the more transient moments of pleasure.

Being Driven and Becoming Happy

2009-04-11T14:06:00.000-07:00

Happiness is a lot of work no matter the circumstances under which we grow up. Happiness is always within our potential, although bringing it out and living it requires tremendous dedication. To a certain degree we must become driven to learn the skills it takes to allow for happiness and to unlearn automatic behaviors that stand in the way of happiness.

When I realized that my circumstances were less than favorable and even detrimental to happiness, I on occasion would panic. I questioned whether happiness was in my cards and feared a life of mediocrity. I am grateful for my past moments of panic. I could not have overcome any monumental obstacles without them. In my opinion, pop-culture too readily reassures people not to worry about circumstances and that everything can be overcome easily. I too believe that we can overcome just about anything, but only if we dedicate ourselves to this task.

If you have suffered a great deal growing up and were deprived of much, do yourself a favor and let the quest for happiness occasionally overwhelm and motivate you.

Being driven has gotten a bad reputation as we learn from Eastern thought. While any exaggerated notion can become a bad habit that stands in the way of happiness, occasional bursts of energy can be quite beneficial. They can be bundled, directed and utilized. Being driven can be good as long as we maintain awareness of being driven, enjoy the ride, and feel that we can stop it anytime we want.

Do We Have The Right To Defend Ourselves?

2009-01-10T10:30:00.000-08:00

When two nations want to go to war with one another, they often eagerly demure that they have the right to defend themselves. Yet, this is a bogus moral argument designed to shut up opposition. The thought of having a right to defend oneself gives justification to otherwise questionable action to which we feel entitled. It is not based on morals, but on a primitive, animalistic response. Just like a dog bites back when hit of bit, we feel an urge to lash out at an aggressor. And so we often do. Does the dog have the right to defend itself? Or does it do just as a dog would do? In all honesty we should rephrase our argument and take out the moral undertone. "As we are human animals", we could say "we will attack back when attacked". We need no morals for counterattacks (except for restraining them).

In many life situations it is warranted to act according to our animalistic side. As we are animals, we eat and drink when we feel hungry and thirsty. I am grateful for having animal impulses as neither I nor any animal would otherwise survive. Yet, there are plenty of situations in life that should not be run by animal instincts, but rather by our intelligence and compassion. Especially when it comes to aggression, we should question the animalistic response and ask ourselves: "While I can act like an animal and have the urge to do so, is it good for me, my opponent and everybody who is watching and learning from my example?"

My dear brothers and sisters in the Middle East! I assure you, it is not good for anybody that you fight. Amongst other reasons, you have become a beaten dog for one another. Everybody knows that beating a beaten dog is futile. Use your intelligence and your compassion in lieu of your animal instincts to strengthen your opponent. Give them food, drink, medicine, education, land, participation, and freedom. Instill hope and good will in the other. While there is not moral right to defend yourself, only animal instinct, it is your moral right to pursue happiness. And while it may feel "wrong", you could consider it "right" to extend your hand, and thus eventually, bring about long-term peace.

Is Our Nature “Good” Or “Bad”?

2008-12-18T09:10:00.000-08:00

Most biologists would consider our nature to be “bad” because they view us as inherently selfish. To scientists we deserve this attribute as we have an inborn tendency to seek relative advantages over others, a tendency that can only be curbed via acquired information from our culture. We may feel inclined to reject readily this scientific stance because we neither exhibit open aggression nor passive aggression (such as willful indifference). In fact, we may frequently listen to others, help others, and while slipping occasionally, have good intentions with regard to our fellowmen and women.

However, the scientists’ point of view should not be dismissed based on this argument. Aggression in any form including the conscious experience of competitiveness is not a necessary hallmark of selfishness in the biological sense. All that is needed is behavior that assures that our genes have a better chance to become propagated than others’. As our genes are not only in our body, but in our families’ and groups’, we could still be considered selfish when we behave lovingly towards others. And is it not easier to give to our own children, to our own religious groups, and to our own people? Indeed, taking care of “our own” above all others seems like our most important moral duty. This, as well as the fact that humans are plenty aggressive and willfully indifferent makes me accept that in this sense, my nature is “bad”.

The Buddhist and Hindi response to the question of our mind being either “good” or “bad” is diametrically opposed to the biological one. While our conditioned behaviors are recognized to be frequently “bad”, our nature is considered “good”. Our true or non-dual nature (Atman in Hinduism; Buddha-nature in Buddhism) is our awareness of the “All” to which we belong. While we often obstruct this awareness and may not even know that we have it, it remains fully operational in us all. As our nature is not separated from the rest of the world, but simultaneously impacting it and being impacted by it, it is considered an unlimited, creative source. Consequently, our nature could not be inherently selfish as it is not a self at all, but a dynamic process reflecting the entire web of existence. And because this web is viewed as “good” as in constructive and marvelous, our nature is viewed as “good” too. As I concur that I am not independent from a wider, dynamic context that is our awesome existence, I too view my nature as “good”.

Both introduced understandings of our nature have merit. Confusion comes about as biologists use the term “nature” very differently from Eastern philosophies and religions. Our biological nature is simply not our Buddha-nature. The former refers to our genetic tendencies; the latter to the workings of our mind. We could conclude that our biological nature allows for Buddha-nature that is the awareness of the “All”. Then again, we could say that the “All” to which we belong has created our biological nature. Yet such discussions are superfluous; there need not be rivalry on matters of truth. Each understanding tells us something else about who we are as people; where the pitfalls are; and what we wish to aspire.